Wednesday 9 November 2016

Oops! Obama lost all nuclear codes overnight

Washington (dpo) - How on earth could this have happened? This Tuesday night, Barack Obama lost the nuclear football – the briefcase equipped to launch a nuclear attack. The outgoing President announced the loss shortly after the first computer-generated predictions. He added that he did not believe the football would reappear within the next four years.

The football contains, among other things, the top secret nuclear launch codes to which only the US President has access.
Obama explained his mishap as follows: “I was just eagerly watching the first election forecasts, when I suddenly realised to my great dismay that the nuclear football was missing. What a scatterbrain I am!”
Not under the couch or the writing desk, nor buried in the garden by Bo: the nuclear briefcase remains lost.
Even though he immediately searched the entire White House, the codes remain lost. “What a shame. Well, there’s no use in complaining. Anyway, throughout history, the codes have never been needed, which makes their loss slightly less tragic. My successor will manage without the nuclear football, I’m sure. Perhaps in four years’ time I will remember where I put that thing!”
By his own admission, Obama unfortunately has no time for a more extensive search, since he has to leave the White House within two months. “I still have to do some decorative repairs for the handover. Currently, I’m busy painting all the rooms pink.”
This was not to be the last of the President’s mishaps, either. Shortly after Trump’s election victory was officially announced, an embarrassed Obama stepped up to the microphone once again to disclose how he had ‘stupidly’ dropped a glass containing highly aggressive termites which could cause severe damage to the White House prior to the handover.
pfg; picture of Obama: Evan El-Amin /
Read the German version HERE.
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