Change of phone provider renders police unable to take emergency calls for two weeks

New York (dpo) - As a spokesperson announced in a New York press conference today, due to complications after a change of telephone service provider, police will only have limited access to their hotlines over the next two weeks. There have also been problems porting their telephone number to the new network, meaning the good old 911 could soon be history.
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News ticker (9)

+++ Found her cheese pot: Swiss man makes wife happy +++
+++ Ford knocks: Harrison asks for access to army base +++
+++ One ring to rule the mall: Sauron conquers shopping centre +++
+++ "Yes, this is the case": musician confirms to new roadie that black box is to protect instruments +++
+++ Hugh!: Hefner asked the reaper "who's next?" +++
+++ Wasn't hard: pretty nurse easily able to spot patient with erectile dysfunction +++
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87% of school students suffer from difficulty sleeping during lessons

Sudbury, Canada (dpo) - School insomnia remains one of the most frequent chronic conditions among school-aged children. That is according to the results of a major study conducted by scientists at the Ferris Bueller Institute for Optimised School Performance. In their long-term tests, they discovered that the majority of pupils do not sleep enough during lessons or even do not sleep at school at all.
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Too nice: bus driver ordered to attend unfriendliness training

Rösrath, Germany (dpo) - Even after four months, Max Wannemaker doesn’t quite seem to have settled into his new job as a bus driver. The nice and accommodating 36 year-old is viewed with suspicion by colleagues and supervisors. His boss is now resorting to drastic measures: Wannemaker is being sent on an unfriendliness course in order to finally meet the profile requirements for customer-facing staff on public transport.
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Trump unsure whether to deny or boast about affair with porn star

Washington (dpo) - Donald Trump finds himself in a bind of Stormy Daniels’s making: the US President is conflicted as to whether he should refute news of his affair with the porn star or crow about it.
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St Paul’s Cathedral turned 360 degrees by unidentified perpetrators overnight

London (dpo) - What a cheek! Last night, the famous St Paul’s cathedral in central London was gently loosened from its foundations, slightly lifted and then turned by exactly 360 degrees. For the time being, the culprits remain unknown. The crime had obviously been planned a long time in advance, as it was highly professionally executed, leaving practically no trace. The question as to why this iconic church was turned around remains unresolved. However, there are some strong indications that the whole thing was a prank.
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8 signs that your postman is trying to kill you

Postmen are important as they bring you bills, reminders and advertisements. But what if he is secretly out to get you? What if he is just waiting for the right moment? The Postillon presents eight sure signs that your postie is trying to kill you.
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