“Just because it’s white”: dairy farmers protest lactose intolerance

Berlin (dpo) - Today, several hundred farmers and their families gathered in front of the Federal Chancellery in Berlin to protest the wave of lactose intolerance spreading across Germany and the Western world. They are urging the government to finally take effective action against this despicable disgust for a drink which has long been viewed as a pillar of Western culture and society.
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Failure to pay attention to on-board safety announcement causes passenger to fall off plane

Manchester, UK (dpo) - Failure to give full attention to the cabin crew during the safety announcement resulted in disaster for a 24-year-old student from Lancashire: last weekend, the man suddenly fell off the plane during a scheduled easyJet flight from Manchester to Lanzarote. According to the cabin crew, the man was not taking the safety rules seriously enough, despite their having been painstakingly presented at the beginning of the flight.
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Perfect solution: Scotland and Switzerland to swap places due to Brexit

Edinburgh, Bern (dpo) - The governments of Scotland and Switzerland have taken a historic decision: before the end of summer, the two countries are to swap their current state territories. This means that Switzerland will finally cease to be surrounded by EU member states, whilst Scotland, whose people voted decisively to remain within the European Union, will move right into the heart of the continent.
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80% of all children are not suitable for toys according to consumer organisation

New York (dpo) - The United States based non-profit organisation Consumer Reports has tested 1,000 children – and with alarming results. The tests showed that more than 80% of children between the ages of two and ten are completely unsuitable for toys and simply break everything. For the test, 1,000 children were left alone to play in a room full of toys, such as Matchbox cars, Lego bricks, Nintendo consoles and cuddly toys.
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Cry for help in alphabet soup: police storm Campbell’s factory

Shepperton, Australia (dpo) - A raid was carried out on the Campbell’s manufacturing facility in Shepperton after a woman from Perth alerted police to a shocking cry for help she had found in her alphabet soup. However, the large-scale operation led by the force’s Critical Incident Response Team yielded no results.
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Poolside drama: man falls 3 m from top of rickety structure

Melbourne, Australia (dpo) - A terrible accident has taken place at a swimming pool in Melbourne. According to eye witnesses, an obviously deranged young man climbed up a 3 m (almost 10 ft) tower and subsequently plunged head first into the depths below.
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Archaeologists discover 4,000-year-old Nokia 3310 with just two bars of battery left

Giza (dpo) - A team of archaeologists in Egypt recently made an unusual discovery. When they opened a burial chamber which had been sealed for 4,000 years, they discovered a range of grave goods and, among them, a turned-off Nokia 3310. It is this object which has been puzzling scientists ever since: the battery in the ancient device is only half-charged. Consequently, this is the lowest battery charge level ever measured in this model of mobile phone.
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