Mopedwrecked! Man stranded on lonely traffic island for 20 years

Bachem, Germany (dpo) - This morning, an alert lorry driver discovered an unkempt and haggard man on a lonely traffic island near Cologne. The man was immediately transferred to hospital and only later were officials able to ascertain that this was Benno Hansen, who went missing more than 20 years ago. Apparently, aged 16, he had been the victim of a mopedwreck.
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Traffickers now placing baby animals in refugee boats to gain sympathy from Europeans

Tripoli, Libya (dpo) - Could a new turn of events breathe a new lease of life into rescue missions in the Mediterranean? Several North African traffickers have started placing baby animals in their boats in order to gain sympathy from Europeans. The plan is to have at least one cute little kitten or fluffy puppy on board each refugee boat in future.
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“Oh shit!” Putin completely forgot to manipulate US election

Moscow (dpo) - How could he be so scatty? Vladimir Putin has just realised, to his horror, that he completely forgot to manipulate the US Presidential Election. And now his candidate, Donald Trump, is struggling.

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Researchers discover remote rain forest tribe still using iPhone 7

São Paulo (dpo) - Completely isolated from the outside world – an international team of anthropologists has discovered an indigenous tribe in Brazil whose members are so underdeveloped that they still use the iPhone 7. To protect this ancient people from the harmful influences of modern civilization, the Brazilian Government refuses to disclose the Amazon tribe’s exact location.
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Vets save life of mayfly in 23-hour emergency operation

Bamberg (dpo) – In the close shave of the week, a team of experts at Bamberg veterinary hospital managed to save the life of a mayfly in an emergency operation lasting 23 hours. The animal was diagnosed with a severe congenital heart defect upon hatching. This diagnosis necessitated the emergency surgical procedure, otherwise the fly would probably only have survived for one day.
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Trump to wear special mask to combat persistent breathing problems

Washington, DC (dpo) - While President Donald Trump’s state of health has improved, he is still suffering from shortness of breath, which is evident in his speech. For medical reasons, the President will therefore need to wear a special mask over the coming weeks.

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Trump encourages nation: “Anyone with a helicopter and personal medical team can beat COVID”

Washington (dpo) - President Donald Trump has returned home to the White House after his hospital stay fighting coronavirus. Now, he has a message to encourage the American people: “Anyone with a helicopter and personal medical team can beat COVID.” This was the President’s message in a video released by the White House. “So there is no reason to be scared of catching this virus.”

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