Child prodigy: boy discovers senselessness of life at tender age of nine

Coventry, UK (dpo) - Little Timmy, 9, stunned the world with this latest revelation. It seems that this wunderkind has already arrived at a conclusion that most people do not reach until much later in life: he has discovered that life has no meaning.
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Study: shoplifting far cheaper than paying for goods

London (dpo) - Who says crime doesn’t pay? Experts at the international market research company Nielsen Holdings PLC recently discovered that the old adage does not hold true – shoplifting results in considerably less strain on your bank account than the traditional method of paying at the checkout. This ‘five-finger discount’, as it is known, compares particularly favourably against the purchase of more expensive items.
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Botched job by builders – 10th floor entirely forgotten in new skyscraper

Cologne (dpo) - A scandal broke today in the immediate run-up to the highly anticipated opening ceremony for a new 43-storey office skyscraper. Upon removal of all scaffolding, it became clear that the entire 10th floor was missing.
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Italian plumber arrested for animal cruelty after jumping on turtles

Naples (dpo) - This weekend, a terrible case of animal cruelty took place at Naples Zoo. According to police records, a middle-aged man gained access to a turtle enclosure and then proceeded to jump onto several of the creatures’ shells, landing on his feet. A large letter “M” printed on his cap is currently the only clue to the attacker’s identity.
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Court rules self-defence in GoT spoiler killing

St Albans (dpo) - A woman stood in St Albans Crown Court accused of manslaughter after killing her husband to stop him telling her what happens in a Game of Thrones episodes she had not yet watched. Today, the court ruled that she had acted in self-defence.
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Fuel pumps fitted with shame barriers to protect diesel customers from disparaging looks

Berlin (dpo) - Having experienced emissions scandals, being prevented from driving at times and falling victim to vehicle recalls, drivers of diesel cars do not currently have the best reputation in our society. At least filling station operators now want to do something about it: drivers who fill up with diesel are now to be protected at the pumps by ‘shame barriers’ so they do not have to suffer disparaging looks from other customers or passers-by.
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Man inserts USB stick right way around on first attempt

Huddersfield, UK (dpo) - Jack Gibson has never claimed to be a computer whizz or a psychic and yet, this 34 year old from Huddersfield has achieved the near impossible: today he inserted a USB stick into the socket on his laptop the right way around on his first attempt.
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