Yet more cost-saving measures at Ryanair: passengers now to land with parachute

Dublin (dpo) - Ryanair is tightening its belt even further: to save money, the Irish low-cost airline now intends to strike the landing from all scheduled flights. Passengers will instead be dropped over their destination airport with a parachute.
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Record high visitor numbers for spa advertising gluten-free air

Bad Rabenwalde, Germany (dpo) - The owners of the spa resort in question are swamped with bookings. The mention of “gluten-free air” in an advertising leaflet resulted in visitors swarming to rural German spa resort of Bad Rabenwalde.
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Boy last seen online on WhatsApp three hours ago: 17-year-old reported missing

Munich (dpo) - Huge worries about Niklas T.! The 17-year-old from the vicinity of Munich has been reported missing since noontime today. According to police, the pupil was last seen on WhatsApp three hours before by friends. Attempts to follow his traces in several WhatsApp groups have not brought any results so far.
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Damage valued at £88.27 as burglars strip Primark store of entire contents

Sheffield (dpo) - Sheffield’s burglars had a ball last night: unknown perpetrators stripped bare the Primark store located at number 30 The Moor, right down to the last T-shirt. The criminals even managed to make off with the till containing the day’s takings. According to police, the total damage is estimated to £88.27 (US$ 115.25 at time of publishing).
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Russia praised as only country in world with no need to investigate alleged war crimes, already certain they are false

Bucha, Moscow (dpo) - In a revelation that puts Russia lightyears ahead of other nations, the Kremlin appears to have the means to know with instant certainty that accustations of war crimes are false, with no need for any kind of investigation.

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Sight of young female pharmacist causes man with penile yeast infection to spontaneously purchase cough syrup

Augsburg (dpo) - Confronted with a young female pharmacist, a 25-year-old man with a very itchy penile yeast infection spontaneously bought a bottle of cough syrup instead of a soothing cream in central Augsburg today. By his own account, he had already tried in vain to procure a treatment for his ailment at several different pharmacies.
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No need to pay attention to traffic anymore: smartphone user gets guide dog

Lübeck (dpo) - It’s a  nuisance familiar to many smartphone users: the inconvenience of looking up from their displays in traffic. Yet Alexander Friesenegger from Lübeck, Germany, has found a way around this problem. The clever 27-year-old decided to get a guide dog, enabling him to surf the internet, play games or video chat to his heart’s content while walking across the city.
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