Cry for help in alphabet soup: police storm Campbell’s factory

Shepperton, Australia (dpo) - A raid was carried out on the Campbell’s manufacturing facility in Shepperton after a woman from Perth alerted police to a shocking cry for help she had found in her alphabet soup. However, the large-scale operation led by the force’s Critical Incident Response Team yielded no results.
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Eighth grader kicked out of school for dividing by zero

Edmonton, Canada (dpo) - What was he thinking? His teacher warned him off several times but Max S. still went ahead and divided by zero. Now the 13-year-old has been expelled from Allendale junior high school in Edmonton, Alberta. Luckily, only his maths teacher was adversely affected. She is now receiving psychological support.
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Failure to pay attention to on-board safety announcement causes passenger to fall off plane

Manchester, UK (dpo) - Failure to give full attention to the cabin crew during the safety announcement resulted in disaster for a 24-year-old student from Lancashire: last weekend, the man suddenly fell off the plane during a scheduled easyJet flight from Manchester to Lanzarote. According to the cabin crew, the man was not taking the safety rules seriously enough, despite their having been painstakingly presented at the beginning of the flight.
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Poolside drama: man falls 3 m from top of rickety structure

Melbourne, Australia (dpo) - A terrible accident has taken place at a swimming pool in Melbourne. According to eye witnesses, an obviously deranged young man climbed up a 3 m (almost 10 ft) tower and subsequently plunged head first into the depths below.
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Archaeologists discover 4,000-year-old Nokia 3310 with just two bars of battery left

Giza (dpo) - A team of archaeologists in Egypt recently made an unusual discovery. When they opened a burial chamber which had been sealed for 4,000 years, they discovered a range of grave goods and, among them, a turned-off Nokia 3310. It is this object which has been puzzling scientists ever since: the battery in the ancient device is only half-charged. Consequently, this is the lowest battery charge level ever measured in this model of mobile phone.
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News ticker (12)

+++ Was on his niece: incestous uncle begging for pardon +++
+++ Lava's in the air: John Paul Young's career cut short by volcano eruption +++
+++ Barbiecue: man grills fashion doll using equipment intended for playing pool +++
+++ Samsung: Fan remembers "Casablanca" on his first Flatscreen +++
+++ "Suite!": couple enjoys luxurious hotel room +++
+++ Red, used: pharmacy sells second-hand tampons for little money +++
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Woman throws ball correctly

Hamburg (dpo) - Is it a fake or the astounding truth? A YouTube clip published a short while ago has triggered a heated debate. The video shows a young woman in a park who appears to be throwing a ball perfectly. The YouTube comments and several expert panels are now a hotbed of discussion as to whether this is even possible within the laws of physics and medicine.
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