Saturday 3 February 2018

VW executives hope public never finds out about crash tests using baby pandas

Wolfsburg, Germany (dpo) - If testing exhaust fumes on monkeys can cause such outrage, then how on earth will the public react to this next scandal? The board of Volkswagen is still desperately clinging to the hope that nobody will ever find out that the company previously commissioned hundreds of crash tests using baby pandas. The tests in question were carried out between 1998 and 2016.

“Hopefully no journalist will ever discover that we ran nearly 800 fluffy, little pandas into the wall in our cars”, sighs one board member, one of those who originally commissioned the tests. “I mean, heads have already rolled from gassing monkeys!”
Over the years, crash tests involving baby pandas were used to test airbags:
Other test were carried out without the airbag:
The matter has now become a rather uncomfortable one for the company’s top brass. Another board member asks, “Why did we even have these tests carried out? I know I was in favour of them then, but why was I?”
“If I remember rightly, I think it was because we could”, explains another VW executive. “Nobody could have known that it might cause trouble one day.”
Yet, the social and political climate has changed. These days, crash tests using baby pandas are a social taboo. The board of Volkswagen has watched their routine tests of the past turn into the ticking PR time bomb of today.
The results of the study remain unpublished. They show that seatbelts and airbags designed for humans are not suitable protection for baby pandas.
fed, ssi, dan; pictures [M]: Shutterstock
Read the German version HERE.
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