Friday 15 February 2019

“Right, that’s enough!”: Queen reinstates absolute monarchy

London (dpo) - In the face of the chaotic state of British politics regarding the Brexit process, HM Queen Elizabeth II has announced that she has had quite enough. Today in a televised speech the 91 year old monarch declared that the system of parliamentary monarchy was to transition to one of absolute monarchy with immediate effect.

“I have had to watch this laughable democratic spectacle for long enough and I am not amused.” The Queen was visibly irked during her speech to her subjects. “Pointless snap elections, unstable majorities, shilly-shallying on the direction of Brexit, failed votings, motions of censure, Boris Johnson… that is quite enough!”
All future political issues will therefore fall under the Queen’s jurisdiction once again. Parliament has been completely dissolved and the Queen’s Guard have thrown former Prime Minister Theresa May into the dungeon along with several other former politicians and government ministers.
Buckingham Palace: where all future decisions will be made
Legally, the reinstatement of the absolute monarchy is provided for in an amendment to the Magna Carta. The relevant passage reads: “...shvde ye Prijm Ministre fucketh uppe maygeorly, ye King or Queen shall rigayne thereupon ye æbsoloute power bistouwed herein uppon gouvernement and shall rule as in olde tijms ...”
The new autocrat’s inaugural speech revealed changes to the UK’s political outlook. The new goal of Brexit negotiations will be to regain the territories lost to the country’s historical enemy France in the Hundred Years War from 1337 to 1453 – by force if necessary.
Another former colony, the USA, is also to return to moncarchic rule as soon as possible. According to inside sources, negotiations have already begun with several of President Trump’s advisers. It is said he could be persuaded to allow the annexation of the USA by the United Kingdom in return for the title “Viceroy of America”, a gold crown complete with sceptre and a grand parade through London.
idea: fed; dan, ssi; picture: dpa
Read the German version HERE.
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