Friday 8 July 2022

“Right, that’s enough!”: Queen to reinstate absolute monarchy

London (dpo) - In the wake of the political chaos following Boris Johnson's resignation as Prime Minister HM Queen Elizabeth II has announced that she has had quite enough. Today in a televised speech the 96 year old monarch declared that the system of parliamentary monarchy was to transition to one of absolute monarchy with immediate effect.

“I have had to watch this laughable democratic spectacle for long enough and I am not amused.” The Queen was visibly irked during her speech to her subjects. “Scandals, a wave of resignations, cabinet reshuffles, Brexit, motions of censure, early elections… that is quite enough!”
All future political issues will therefore fall under the Queen’s jurisdiction once again. Parliament has been completely dissolved and the Queen’s Guard have thrown former Prime Minister Boris Johnson into the dungeon along with several other former politicians and government ministers.
Buckingham Palace: where all future decisions will be made
Legally, the reinstatement of the absolute monarchy is provided for in an amendment to the Magna Carta. The relevant passage reads: “...shvde ye Prijm Ministre fucketh uppe maygeorly, ye King or Queen shall rigayne thereupon ye æbsoloute power bistouwed herein uppon gouvernement and shall rule as in olde tijms ...”
The new autocrat’s inaugural speech revealed changes to the UK’s political outlook. The new foreign policy goal will be to regain the territories lost to the country’s historical enemy France in the Hundred Years War from 1337 to 1453 – by force if necessary.
Another former colony, the USA, is also to return to moncarchic rule as soon as possible. According to inside sources, negotiations have already begun with President Joe Biden who also, for quite some time, has lost control over his country.
idea: fed; dan, ssi; picture: dpa; first published 2017-06-13
Read the German version HERE.
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