Wednesday 28 April 2021

Cruel little milk vampires suck life-sustaining fluid from innocent women

Münster, Germany (dpo) - A shocking study on so-called lacto vampirism by the Parazoological Faculty of the University of Münster has caused quite a stir. The study found that thousands of women in Germany alone are under the unholy influence of tiny milk vampires who are both unpredictable and milkthirsty.

Bedridden due to vampire infestation
“As a rule, these terrifying creatures tend to be much smaller than humans and live almost exclusively on human milk, which they suck out of the breasts of unsuspecting women”, parazoologist Prof. Helling explained when presenting his study. “They can only communicate with bloodcurdling cries from their toothless mouths, otherwise they are mute.” The results of the study show that each milk vampire usually chooses one particular woman and then feeds on her for months or even years. In an especially perverted twist, the victims of the common milk vampire seem to be under some kind of unholy spell, causing them to wilfully accept their fate.
Usual deterrents like water do not erradicate the risk
“Sadly, these milk vampires are frequently nocturnal and seem to be fully aware of their power”, Dr. Helling reports based on first-hand experience – his own wife was the chosen victim of such a midget Nosferatu for more than two years. “Even during the day, they shamelessly suck out their victim’s white lifeblood at any time they wish.”
Unfortunately, the study does not tell us how to avoid these milk vampires. As Dr. Helling says, “We do not yet know how the little beasts reproduce. As soon as we have solved that riddle, we can start developing an antidote to prevent future cases.”
ssi; picture above: Shutterstock, picture on the right: David Goodman, CC BY 2.0, picture on the left: Santiago Fernández, CC BY-SA 2.0; first published 2017-07-11
Read the German version HERE.
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