Thursday 12 March 2020

Self isolation for foodies: our top 10 recipes for pasta and toilet paper

Empty shelves are a common sight in supermarkets worldwide lately. Panic buyers favour pasta, toilet paper and disinfectant. Here at The Postillon, we asked gourmet chefs: what can you do with these items in the nightmare situation that you are quarantined? We have shortlisted the top ten recipes for pasta and toilet paper:

1. Pasta with toilet paper sauce
Boil pasta. While pasta is boiling, soften toilet paper in water until it is a gooey consistency and heat. Season to taste using disinfectant.

2. Pasta bake with toilet paper gratin
Boil pasta until al dente. Line an oven dish with disinfectant and layer in the pasta. Top each layer of pasta with a layer of toilet paper. Garnish the top with toilet paper roll. Bake in oven at 150 ºC or gas mark 2 for 30 minutes.

3. Fried toilet paper pasta
Boil pasta until al dente. While pasta is boiling, roll toilet paper into balls. Place all ingredients into a pan greased with disinfectant and sear. When pasta and paper are browned off, serve on a plate and top with shredded toilet paper.

4. Raw pasta with toilet paper
Serve raw pasta on a plate. Top with toilet paper. You’re done!

5. Toilet paper soup with pasta
Soften shredded toilet paper in a saucepan with a generous volume of water. Add pasta. Boil for 30 minutes. Add a splash of disinfectant to taste.

6. Toilet paper sushi with pasta filling
Slice toilet paper rolls into chunks. Fill to taste with pasta, cooked not too soft, and with wet toilet paper paste. To make toilet paper nigiri, roll wet toilet paper into a ball. Then soften a strip of toilet paper roll and lay on top. For the full sushi experience, dip in disinfectant as you eat.

7. Toilet paper and pasta porridge
Boil toilet paper and pasta together for around 20 minutes. Blend thoroughly. Season to taste with disinfectant.

8. Pasta au papier toilette
Pre-heat oven to 150 ºC or gas mark 2. Cut toilet paper rolls in half lengthways and fill with softened toilet paper. Boil pasta until al dente. Sprinkle with shredded toilet paper. Turn off oven. It is not needed.

9. Toilet paper salad with pasta croutons
Tear toilet paper and arrange in salad bowl. Crush pasta using a hammer or disinfectant bottle and sprinkle over toilet paper as croutons. Dressing options: toilet paper sauce, pureed pasta or disinfectant.

10. Toilet paper goulash with pasta
Truly gourmet: soften toilet paper, add in pieces of toilet paper roll and simmer for two hours. Boil pasta until al dente. Pour over toilet paper goulash sauce. Delicious!

Bon appétit!

adg, dan, pfg, ssi

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