Wall between USA and Mexico restricted to height of 2 inches due to budget constraints

Washington (dpo) - The White House has now revealed draft plans for the border wall between Mexico and the USA demanded by President Donald Trump. The most startling revelation was that, in order to keep to the budget of only $12 bn set by Mr Trump during the Presidential campaign, the wall can only reach a maximum of 5 cm (approx. 2 in) in height.
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German Automobile Association: always provide foil if leaving pet in parked car

Munich (dpo) - Due to the current heat wave sweeping Germany and other parts of Europe, the German Automobile Association is urging all drivers to be especially careful when parking their vehicle in the blazing sun. Dog or cat owners who leave their pets in the car should always ensure they line their seat with foil.
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Trump disgusted that French copied tower from Paris Las Vegas Hotel

Paris (dpo) - Scandal takes hold of Donald Trump’s trip to France. On a visit to the capital, the President of the United States became enraged that the French had shamelessly copied the tower of the famous Paris Las Vegas Hotel in Nevada, USA. President Trump explained that he is fighting back against other nations simply appropriating symbols of American culture in this way.
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Nine out of ten spiders suffer intense fear of hysterically screaming women

Hanover (dpo) - Extensive tests carried out by scientists at the Zoological Institute of the University of Veterinary Medicine in Hanover have shown that nine out of ten common spiders feel extremely panicked when confronted with screaming women. The anxiety disorder, known as “sirenophobia”, is actually far more widespread among arachnids than was previously thought. The zoologists arrived at these results by locking up spiders and women in a room together.
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Cruel little milk vampires suck life-sustaining fluid from innocent women

Münster, Germany (dpo) - A shocking study on so-called lacto vampirism by the Parazoological Faculty of the University of Münster has caused quite a stir. The study found that thousands of women in Germany alone are under the unholy influence of tiny milk vampires who are both unpredictable and milkthirsty.
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California first state to replace school grades with emojis

Sacramento (dpo) - English: 😳, P.E.: 😄, math: 💩 – from next semester, this could be an example of a California high school student’s report card. The State Senate has announced that the grading system is to be completely overhauled and will now employ emojis rather than letters.
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Doctors find fully preserved skeleton inside man’s body

Meppen, Germany (dpo) - What a chilling discovery! During a routine examination, doctors at the Ludmillenstift hospital in Meppen discovered a fully preserved skeleton in the body of a 45-year-old roofer. Now police are trying to work out where the bones came from. So far, even violent crime has not been ruled out.
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