Trump offers condolences to Japan for Godzilla attack

Washington (dpo) - US President Donald Trump today offered his condolences to the Japanese government. He said that he was deeply moved by the devastation wreaked upon Tokyo by Godzilla and that he was shocked to the core when he saw the bloodbath on television yesterday evening.
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Perfect solution: Scotland and Switzerland to swap places after Brexit

Edinburgh, Bern (dpo) - The governments of Scotland and Switzerland have taken a historic decision: before the end of summer, the two countries are to swap their current state territories. This means that Switzerland will finally cease to be surrounded by EU member states, whilst Scotland will move right into the heart of the EU in the wake of the disappointing Brexit vote.
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Trump wants to deport American Indians to India

Washington (dpo) - As part of his plan to improve national security and combat illegal immigration, US President Donald Trump intends to send around 3 million American Indians back to where they came from – India. He is to sign an executive order to this effect this week.
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“Go buy Ivanka’s stuff!” – White House launches TV shopping channel WhiteHouse24

Washington (dpo) - Just yesterday, President Trump’s adviser, Kellyanne Conway (50), caused consternation when, during an interview, she encouraged citizens to buy products from Trump’s daughter Ivanka’s fashion lines. Now, the White House is going one step further. The White House’s very own brand new shopping channel WhiteHouse24 is set to offer products from the Trump family’s lines around the clock.
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Saudi Arabia forces WhatsApp to veil emojis

Riad (dpo) - Over a billion people use WhatsApp – but in ultra-conservative Saudi Arabia, the American messaging service now faces trouble. The Grand Mufti of the Saudi Kingdom issued a fatwa against unveiled emojis as they violate the nation’s own strict interpretation of Islam and therefore must be veiled at once.
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News ticker (3)

+++ Only round figures: approximately 20 million Brits are overweight +++
+++ Pen is not working: pornstar can't sign new contract +++
+++ Director's cut: extended documentary on borderliner principal released +++
+++ Isn't Jeep: man buys a Porsche +++
+++ No sex, no drugs, just Rock'n'Roll: Sisyphus publishes autobiography +++
+++ Wife eye zone: husband observed by spouse while surfing nude sites +++
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Rescued: missing woman found in walk-in closet after 48 hours

Baden-Baden, Germany (dpo) - It was a close call but Baden-Baden’s fire brigade managed to save the life of a 32-year-old missing woman at the last minute. The wife of a millionaire had got lost in her walk-in closet and endured hunger and thirst for 48 hours until she was found by a search party. According to a spokesperson for the fire brigade, the woman was “totally emaciated and utterly exhausted”.
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